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Jersey Shore-related iPhone apps worthy of a few fist-pumps

by Jesse Sposato

Even if most watchers and onlookers are making fun of cast members of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” for being catty, shallow, and insert-trashy-(but entertaining)-word here, the joke is on them because these guerilla juiceheads and guidettes have an amazing house in Miami and they’re getting paid to be there. You might call this show exploitative on MTV’s part, but when all you’re looking for is to go tanning, creeping, fist pumping, or cat fighting and someone hands you a golden ticket and the go-ahead to do all these things, does it really matter? When you’re looking for a little more “Jersey Shore” love from Snooki, Sweetheart, The Situation, and the rest of the cast, check out these apps to tide you over in between episodes.

MTV’s Jersey Shore City Guide (99 cents)

Take recommendations from the crew on restaurants, hotels, shopping, bars and clubs. If you’re hungry, Snooki suggests Sushi Samba, and Vinny’s a big fan of Ninja New York. And when it’s time to go out, try La Pomme and Pacha, frequented by Jenni J-Woww. If you’re not already well-versed in the personalities of the cast members, you can read about each one, including their favorite places to creep -- or just eat -- here. And if you’re looking for a particular type of spot, whether it’s date night or time to rage, MTV's Jersey Shore City Guide app will recommend something with your requested vibe nearby.

My Jersey Shore Name (99 cents)

With the My Jersey Shore Name app, you enter your gender and name, and then give a fist pump (shake of your iPhone) to reveal a series of nicknames to go by during your summer at the shore. As a girl named Jesse, I first got “The Tight End” (wowee!), and then with each additional fist pump, “The Speed Bump,” “Tanda Bear,” and I stopped at “Jennifer Taniston”—that was enough for me. As a boy named Jesse (just for fun), I drew the names “Nelson Tan-dela,” “The Body,” “Charles Tan-son,” and “The Tan-gent.” Just when I was about to confirm that the nicknames that came up were the same no matter what first name you put in, I was proved wrong when the female name Violet turned up the nickname “V-Scream!” Not to mention “The Rack,” “The Position,” and “The Implication.”

Jersey Shore Nickname Generator (Free)

A similar but free version of the My Jersey Shore Name app, the Jersey Shore Nickname Generator requests your first and last name and then includes them both in the name it gives you. On my first try, I scored Jesse “G-Normous” Sposato, then Jesse “Machine Gun” Sposato, which I liked better, though I wasn’t sure if I deserved -- or had earned -- such a harsh nickname. Then I got “Hippo” sandwiched in between my first and last name, which I took to be pretty negative, as I had read in a “Jersey Shore” dictionary that a “hippo” is a large, unattractive girl. Talk about a diss. When you get sick of generating nicknames for yourself, pop on over to the Jersey Shore Facebook page via this app and become a fan.

Jersey Shore Party App (Free)

Yet another app where you can generate a nickname. I got “Diamond Girl” on the first shot and stuck with it, figuring this just might be the least offensive nickname I would happen upon. Next, I went to “catch” a fake tan, where the screen sizzled and flashed as simultaneously, a warning that tanning isn’t good for you and causes cancer graced the screen. My favorite part of this app was the pickup lines. With lines like “Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?” and “If you were a library book, I would check you out,” and a name like “The Situation,” how are you not going to get whatever girl you have your eye on? Other highlights are fist-pump-o-meters in glowstick and musical forms. Here, your amount of fist pumps, pumps per minute, average pump force, and calories burned are measured by using either a song or a glowstick. Jersey Shore Party App is loaded, especially for being free.

Jersey Shore Camera (99 cents)

If you want to see what you’d look like as a guido, or you’re considering joining the club but not sure how well it suits you, take Jersey Shore Camera for a test run. Start with an existing picture of yourself, take a new one; or, if you want to see how well your friend would fare as a guidette, snag a pic via Facebook. Then, decorate the person in the picture with a series of “Jersey Shore”-esque accessories. Choose from a gold necklace, one with a cross, a container of muscle milk, a bottle of hard liquor, two different pairs of aviator sunglasses, corny printed shirts in short and long sleeves, a dragon tattoo, and more. I have to say, I’ve now seen what I look like as a guidette, and I’m happy to come out myself on the other side.

iFist Pump: Techno Ringtones (Free)

If you’re going to get decked out in “Jersey Shore” gear—fake nails, body parts, lots of bronzer, and mega-muscles galore—there’s no reason to stop at your ringtone with the iFist Pump app. Why settle for vibrate when you can shine with “Bring the Noise,” “On the Prowl,” “Punch, Kick, Stomp,” and “Path to Freedom?” Tap on a ringtone to preview, and to get a link to download a ringtone emailed to you, tap on the envelope.