The dating game was hard enough before social networking and iPhones. Now you can find out as much about someone by creeping on their Facebook page as you can by having dinner with them. But if you really want to know about your potential new cuddle buddy, check out their iPhone.
You’ll find out what sort of person you’re hanging out with in a hurry. If they’re music obsessed, the apps will tell you. If they’re constantly checking their fantasy rosters using various iPhone apps, you’ll know well before you settle into a relationship that has you screaming every Sunday afternoon when they won’t get off the couch.
With that in mind, here’s five apps you probably don’t want your could-be soulmate to have under any circumstances.
Real KISS : Vibration ($0.99)
This app should speak for itself, but just so we’re clear: DO NOT kiss your iPhone. There’s no good reason to. Nothing positive will come of it, I promise you. You don’t even need an app to kiss your iPhone, so if you’re really feeling the urge, just kiss it while you play some tracks on the Pandora app or something. How would you even explain having this app to anyone, let alone someone you actually do kiss?
Kiss Me Guide (Free)
There’s nothing wrong with a little self-improvement, but keeping an app on your phone that promises to teach you “tips and tricks to make your kissing experience more enjoyable” could get you labeled a potential dud by your new girl or guy before you even get the chance to show off your moves. If you absolutely need the help and this app, just make sure you delete it before you leave your iPhone on the table at dinner.
Amazing Ways to Propose (Free)
Again, this isn’t a bad app in theory. There’s so much social pressure to make your proposal one she’ll never forget that it’s only natural to want to hear some other ideas. Crowd sourcing is all the rage these days anyway. But part of a great proposal is the secrecy and spontaneity involved in the act. If your girl sees this app on your iPhone, she’ll spend the rest of your days together simply waiting for you to pop that question. And if you wait too long, she might begin to wonder if you’re saving the app for someone else.
Is It Contagious? (Free)
It’s not really fair that I’m including this. After all, if you have a kid, you’ll need to know if whatever weird sickness they have is going to get the rest of their class sick. That’s just doing your parental duty. But there’s always the chance for a Seinfeldian style miscommunication, where suddenly your gal or guy sees the Is It Contagious? app and begins to wonder what exactly they should be worried about catching. It’s not worth the risk, so keep it off your phone.
Tap Tap Glee (Free)
There are two types of people in this world: People who have loving, nurturing relationships and lots of friends, and people who would prominently display Tap Tap Glee on their iPhone. I don’t really care for the show, but I suppose I understand why people would watch it. But the Tap Tap games are all about tapping along to songs you know and love, so why would you want to download the one version of the game that only lets you tap along to someone else’s version of songs you know and love? Unless you really like all that extra space in your bed at night, you can keep this one off your iPhone.