For those of you old enough to remember gaming in the late seventies and early eighties, I’m sure you look back fondly on the days of low resolution sports simulators! You know; the ones that almost sort of resembled actual sports if you looked at them sideways while under the influence. Sadly, all of that is before my time, but thanks to Justin Smith’s Realistic Summer Sports Simulator, I can transport myself into that bygone era and see what it was like.
Justin Smith is the same guy who brought us such iOS classics as Enviro-Bear 2010 and So Long, Oregon! That should give you an idea of what to expect here; humorous absurd nods to classic gaming tropes of the past. Really, more of a joke app that you get for the humor value than one with any kind of actual substance. Unfortunately, the app store allows no refunds, and anyone who just randomly picks these games up without doing any research is pretty much guaranteed to feel ripped off.
In this Olympic Games simulator, you’ll get to play through 14 different events, from cycling to weightlifting, diving, rowing, sprinting, horse riding, and more. After beginning the games, you’ll be taken through a random assortment of events and begin competing without any sort of tutorial whatsoever. It’s up to you to figure out just what the heck each game is asking you to do. Of course, you can also practice any event an unlimited number of times from the main menu, so it’s a good idea to start there. Even after you figure out how to complete each event, you’ll almost never actually beat the computer, but you’re not really meant to. You and up to three friends can randomly choose their own fictional portmanteau of a country and compete with each other, pass’n’play style.
The retro graphics that look like something pulled from the Atari 2600 look fantastic, in their own not-very-fantastic-at-all kind of way. At the end of the day, this is a joke app meant to be enjoyed with friends. Don’t buy it unless that’s something you can get into. Some people are upset about the pricing of this iOS Universal app, but it makes sense to me. The initial download costs a dollar, and that comes with four events. The other ten events must be unlocked with a two dollar in-app purchase. I think they did this instead of charging three dollars outright so that people who randomly download it and hate it won’t have wasted as much money. Of course, many one dollar apps come with more content and substance than this app anyway, but three bucks still isn’t a lot of money. A free demo would still probably have been preferable, though. I found this game hilarious, even playing by myself, and really, the amount of fun you’ll have laughing out loud at the absurd gameplay more than justifies the price tag.